Friday, February 19, 2010

The Book Club

I went to a book club meeting tonight in an attempt to branch out and meet fellow moms who are also Catholic. (I've been going to a mom's group at our church, and one of the women who is in that group with me invited me to the book club. The group only runs for 9 weeks total and is more than half-way over, or else I would just stick with that group for now.) I'm very happy with the friends I have, but if I let myself, I will just keep my life on cruise control and never really make new friends, so this was my attempt to put myself out there.

All the women that were there were very nice, very friendly and very Catholic. And I don't want to say this was a problem, but they were all older than me. A few seemed to be around my mom's age (which I'm not saying is old, but it's older than me) and the rest I would guess were in their mid-thirties. (Again, not saying this is old, just older than me!) Their kids are all older than mine, and I got the impression that most, if not all, were finished having kids. And if I'm being honest, I really didn't hit it off with any of them. So now I'm wondering what to do. Should I keep going and see where it takes me? Is it really possible for me to form the kind of friendships I'm looking for with women at such significantly different points in their lives?

I got home and talked to Dan about it, and he said he thinks the main problem is the age difference. I agree, but I also think it's more than that. I'm looking for people I can be myself around, and that seems to be really hard to find. I think that's what everyone wants in a friend.

When I was driving to the book club tonight, I heard "Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction, which brought me back to the beginning stages of Dan's and my relationship. When we first started dating, we would drive around for hours and hours just talking and laughing, and, for some reason we would always listen to Jane's Addiction. I don't really know why; I don't love Jane's Addiction. But anyway, the point of this tangent is that it made me think about the reason I ended up knowing that Dan really was the one for me.

Everyone knows I broke up with Dan frequently before we were married. He even took to calling the time period from mid-September through mid-November "break-up season" because that's usually the time of year when I'd start thinking about our relationship and decide we needed to break up. ANYWAY (man I'm on a roll with the tangents here), the reason I ended up realizing that Dan was the one for me was because I could really be myself around him. I could be goofy, crazy, sarcastic, angry, sad, happy, whatever. I could be all these things and he still loved me.

I'm not expecting to find a friend to whom I feel as close as I do Dan. I don't know if that's possible, or even something that would be a good idea. I guess I just want someone in a similar place in their lives, around whom I can be myself and who gets my sense of humor (now that's a tall order).

Dan said I should Google "how to find friends," but I think I'll save that as a last resort.


Jessie said...

Personally, I would say don't push it.. I will compare this to the 'young adult bible study' I was almost conned into joining. I toyed with the idea, but since the only people I knew who were in it were 2 married couples, I just had a feeling it wouldn't before me. Turns out it turned into a couple's bible study, so DEFINITELY not for me. Not that I can't be around married couples or hang out or have a good time, but we have different priorities, goals, objectives and are at different points in our lives. Same with you and the mother's group. Don't force yourself to spend time with people who just aren't where you are if you are looking for a support network. If you had clicked with some of them and felt they would be good mentors as you journey in motherhood, then that would be one thing. It sounds as though you are really looking more for a network of current new moms - women you can call and lament about being tired/up all night/stressed/etc and who will say.. I feel the exact same way today! Anyways.. now that I have rambled.. those are my two cents :)

Maggie said...

what bible study are you talking about jessie?? ha, totally true. we had a really hard time making friends at first too..finding people who are at your stage in life makes it a lot easier!
i know where you could find some really really good friends....akron, ohio!

Brigid said...

maybe you should move to MI maggie! also what the H are you guys doing up at 630 am on a saturday? crazy

katie - you will find people... just keep looking. and if you dont come over here! i know i am not married and i don't have a kid but i feel like i know enough where i can pretend to relate :)