The Great Bathing Suit Search Part Deuce

Are you sick of me talking about bathing suits yet? I know, I'm sorry, I promise to be more original next week. But I just had to share day 2 of the bathing suit mission.

I know I bought a suit the other day, but when I got home and tried it on again, I wasn't convinced. It didn't help much when I asked D if it was "too booby" and he said, "NO!" and I said, "I think it is, I'm going to return it" and he was like "Nooooooooooo!!!" That's how I knew he was lying and that it was, in fact, too booby.

So I decided to try to find a less booby suit on my lunch yesterday. I forgot to mention one detail about the other day's suit extravaganza. One thing that should always be planned in advance is the footwear. I know of nothing (apart from my actual body) that makes bathing suit shopping more hideous than trying on a suit while you're wearing socks. Particularly brown and pink argyle socks. It makes it really hard to get a realistic idea of how you look because you're so busy trying to mentally erase the socks that all you can focus on are the stupid socks!

So today I was wearing the Holy Grail sandals and was thinking about how perfect it would be to just leave them on while I tried on the bathing suits because not only would they be less distracting than socks, they would actually improve the look of the suits because they would make my legs look longer and more toned. Also, I didn't really feel like stepping in fitting room disease with my bare feet.

I had selected two bathing suits, and got to work trying them on (with my back to the mirror, of course). When I turned around after putting on the first one, I actually wasn't minding what I saw. It was navy blue (which I assume is in right now because I see it everywhere) and a little bit on the mom side, but these days I'm not sure I mind that so much. Really, the only down-side was the price, which was a bit high. So that one was in the running.

On to Suit 2. This one was black, teal and white. Just to let you know, today I discovered that it's a lot harder getting out of things with heels on than it is getting into them. I almost fell on my face 8 times. But the longer legs made it totally worth it. Once I got the black suit on, I checked myself out. Not bad, really. Then I looked at the "outfit" as a whole, including my shoes....and realized I looked exactly like a stripper. Not a movie stripper who is a famous actress in real life and has a smoking hot body. A real stripper, who is down on her luck and has stretch marks because she has kids and is just trying to make a living to give her kids a better life.

I looked at myself in my stripper outfit and just started laughing out loud, right there in the fitting room. And then I got dressed (which includes putting my pants on while still wearing the heels, an accomplishment that I'm quite proud of) and hung the bathing suits back on their hangers. And then I bought the stripper suit.

What? I'm just trying to give my kid a better life.