If you're not my friend on facebook, then this news will be new for you. If you are my friend on facebook, this won't be news, but you might still be in shock so it might seem new because of all the shock you're in.
That's right, kids. I'm pregnant. Again.
"But Katie!" you might be shouting. "Didn't you just have a baby 8 months ago??"
Why, yes. Yes, I did. And now, I'll have two babies. Under the age of 2. Please excuse me a minute while I vomit from the panic. And from the nausea of being pregnant, which has been an unexpected and unwelcome symptom of this pregnancy.
Go ahead, you know you want to ask. "Did you plan this?"
I know that's what you're thinking. Because I know this is what I'd be thinking if I was in your shoes and you were in mine. (Hey, that reminds me. Anyone want to trade shoes?) And the answer is, no we did not plan this.
Don't get me wrong. I am not one of those idiotic girls from 16 and Pregnant who are all, "Why meeeee?!?! How did this happpennnnn!??!" I know how this happened. We knew it was a possibility and that the risk was there. We didn't actually think it would happen, but that's another story.
At first, I might have flipped just a little. I found out the weekend before we moved into my parents' house. Worst timing ever. Except maybe also the best, because I was so stressed and preoccupied with the planning and packing and yelling and crying that I didn't think much about it. It was something I would just deal with at another time.
Oh, fun side story for you. You might be wondering (if you're a fellow mom who loves to hear all the gory details, or if you just like gory details) what led me to take a test in the first place. Did I suspect I was pregnant? Yeah, not so much.
See, here's the thing. I am addicted to taking pregnancy tests. When D and I were trying to get pregnant with L (well, not with him specifically, because we didn't know him yet, but we're glad it turned out to be him), I got a little bit.... psychotic about trying to get pregnant in general. I more particularly got psychotic about peeing on sticks. Ovulation tests, pregnancy tests - they were all good in my book.
After a few months of trying without success, D started yelling at me about literally peeing on a small fortune every month. So I found this website that sold the most basic ovulation and pregnancy tests in bulk for cheap. And in bulk I bought them. And bought them. And bought them.
So by the time it got to the point in my cycle where I could take a pregnancy test and possibly expect a positive result, actually taking the test was like an exciting reward. I would sit in eager anticipation, holding the test up to the light, looking for that second pink line to appear.
When it finally did appear, and I realized I was pregnant with L, I still had like 8 tests left over. So I did what any normal person would do. I went out and bought the expensive pregnancy tests to confirm, then I proceeded to take the other "cheapies" every day after. Because seeing that second line come up was so unbelievably rewarding and exciting.
Once L was born and things got back to normal, I realized how much I missed the thrill of pregnancy tests. So I returned to my trusty website and ordered some more tests in bulk. And at the end of every cycle, I'd take a few. Only this, time I was kind-of hoping for the opposite result. But, as they say, you play with fire, sooner or later you're goin to get burned.
It was only a matter of time before one of those pee sticks turned up two pink lines again, thus turning our lives upside down.
Only, you know what? Our lives really don't feel upside down. I had my first ultrasound today, and D was able to come with me. And when I saw that little bean with its little flickering heartbeat, my own heart immediately swelled with love and joy, and tears came to my eyes.
And it hit me - I'm pregnant. With a baby. A baby who will cuddle me and sleep on my chest instead of wiggle around until I put him or her down like L does now when I try to get a good snuggle. A baby who might look like me, but will more likely look like D's clone, just like L. A baby who will probably share the same blue eyes that D and I gave to L. A baby with its own personality and quirks.
And this time, I feel more prepared. L totally kicked my ass, I'm not going to lie. But this time, I know to expect raging hormones that will make me feel a little depressed. I know to expect my boobs to leak uncontrollably, and I'll know to wear 2 or 3 shirts to avoid embarrassing wetboob in public.
But I'll also know to truly cherish having a baby who is so small that it can literally curl up on my chest or stomach and sleep. I'll appreciate that the baby sleeps all the time, even if its waking up every 2 or 3 hours. And now that L is fully mobile, I'll really, really, really appreciate having a baby who stays in the same place I left it and doesn't immediately find the most dangerous thing possible and put it in its mouth when I leave the room for 2.5 seconds.
So no, this certainly wasn't planned, but it is one of the best unplanned things to ever happen to me. And it's one of those many times that makes me really glad that Someone else is making the plans instead of me.
And sorry everyone, but I don't think we're going to find out boy or girl this time either. But FYI, D and I decided to just refer to the baby as "he" for simplicity and clarity, and to avoid calling the baby "it", which just seems so very wrong. (Oh, and also, I'm due Feb. 26 for anyone that might not know.)
Now please excuse me while I go throw up from the panic.