Thursday, August 12, 2010

It's the boobs

I recently went to the mall because I'm trying to find a knock-out dress for my cousin's wedding in September. 

I did not plan on being pregnant at this wedding.  Pretty much since my cousin was engaged, the word was put out that there would be a premium bar at the reception.  This was exciting for me because I never get premium anything, not even gas for my car.  So top-shelf liquor on someone else's tab was definitely my idea of a great night.  D and I even discussed getting a room at the near-by hotel so we could both equally enjoy the expensive alcohol.

Now that I'm pregnant, D is all like, "Sweet!  Now we don't have to pay for a hotel because you can be the DD!  Me and R (my younger brother) are going to have so much fun."  Yeah, not so much with that.  I told him no way.  But now that I think about it....weddings (especially for my side of the family) tend to be a lot of me and my mom dancing our butts off like crazy idiots while the men sulk at the tables.  Maybe if I remove the kebosh on over-indulging in the bar, D and my brother might actually be fun.  Hmmm....Something to think about there.  (Also something to think about:  would it really be so bad if I just had one little glass of wine?  Ok, ok.  Wipe that shocked and appalled look off your face.  I'm only kidding.  If I'm going to drink anything, it's going to be an Amaretto sour.)

This wedding is going to fall at an interesting time for me, physically.  I'll be 15 weeks pregnant at that point.  I was just starting to show at 15 weeks with L, but I looked back at my belly pics from that pregnancy, and I think I'm currently looking at least as pregnant as I did then.  So who knows where I'll be in September.  

So why, you may ask, would I possibly think it would be a good idea to go dress shopping now?  Well, my boss told me that Lord & Taylor is having an amazing clearance on their dresses - something like 50% off then an additional 50% off the reduced price.  She scored some really cute dresses for cheap, so I thought I'd take a look.  Especially since I usually can't even afford to breathe the same air as Lord & Taylor.  Maybe I'd find something flowy and forgiving for a steal. 

The racks were pretty well-picked-over, but I did find two dresses that had potential.  One was flowy and forgiving, but in a not so attractive floral print, and the other was gorgeous.  A steely-grey-silver silk with these beautiful ruffles on the bodice and it was like $35.  Ohmigod.  Bananas.  The best thing about this dress was that, on the hanger, the silhouette looked perfect.  It was sleeveless and had a "waist" that fell high enough so that any stomach growth between now and September would be totally fine.  I saved this dress for second because I just *knew* it would be the one.

The floral dress was actually better than I expected, but I was pretty blah over it.  Definitely not worth $40, even if it was marked down from $208.  I hurried out of it and got to work putting on the good dress.  It looked amazing.  Then I went to zip it.  It zipped right over my monstrous behind and slid right past the belly region with ease.  Then I got to mid-back, where my boobs came into play.  

Up until this point, I did not think my boobs have grown that much.  It's harder for me to judge their size now that they're all floppy.  But the struggle that ensued as I tried to zip that fancy zipper all the way up was proof: I'm well on my way to Jenna Jameson Land (with my final destination being Dollywood).  No matter how I struggled, the zipper would not give.  I tried and tried and pretended like it was just caught on some fabric, but to no avail.  Pregnancy boobs are back.  I sighed, put my frumpy in-between clothes back on (the clothes I'm forced to wear while I'm still looking mostly fat and not quite pregnant) and headed out of the fitting room to get some lunch at Zoup. 

I had to take the escalator down to get to Zoup, and as I stepped on, the escalator let out a long "Creeeeeaak".  The lady in front of me turned around to see if an elephant had just boarded the escalator, and I was all like, "What?  It's the boobs."  

So in case I had any doubts in my mind before this, I can now rest assured that I am, indeed, pregnant.  The nausea can be brushed off.  The fatigue can be chalked up to work stress.  But the boobs will not be denied.  

1 comment:

magicjess said...

Hilarious! haha. I started laughing out load when I read about the escalator haha.