Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Things I am afraid of

I'm a huge worrier. I don't worry about a ton of things, but when I worry about something, I give it 110%. Why do anything half-way, right? See the list below, and please don't make fun of me too much.

1 - I am deathly afraid of someone breaking into my house when I am home alone at night. I used to be afraid of them breaking in and hurting me, but now I'm afraid of them breaking in and I'll be unable to get to L and they'll hurt or take him. So note to anyone wanting to break into my house: we have literally nothing of value that you could steal. Except my Kitchen Aid. And that....that is something I just might be willing to take a bullet for.

2 - I am afraid of snakes and spiders. They are creepy and crawly and just....ugh. They give me the shivers.

3 - I am afraid that one day I'm going to wake up and L will have turned from the sweet, adorable, smiley baby that he is into a little hellion. I really don't know what I'm doing, and I don't know if that's something that happens? People keep telling me to just wait until he's moving and then I'll be sorry. So I don't know if L has a massive personality change on the horizon? (Side note: Why is it that people are always telling me to "just wait"? Am I ever going to get to the point in my Mommy Life where people will cease to take joy in knowing the secret pain that awaits me? Will people ever stop wanting to rain on my New Mom Joy Parade or refrain from trying to burst my bubble of excitement at a new milestone?)

4 - I am afraid that D is going to die and leave me all alone. I think that's probably a common wife fear. D and I like to joke about what we could do with the life insurance money we'd get if one of us dies, and I always tease D that if he ever dies I'm going to date a black guy like I've always wanted to, but seriously. I have literally cried multiple times just thinking about D dying. (It was a recurring dream I had during my pregnancy, and some of those dreams were so vivid that they are still with me and can evoke tears even now, months and months later.) He won't even let me watch P.S. I Love You anymore because for like 2 weeks after, I'm always telling him, "Don't die" and then bursting into tears.

5 - I am afraid that I will royally eff up at raising my children and they'll turn into those kids who other people see out in public and wonder "Where the heck were his/her parents?" And they'll be the kind of kids who make expectant couples turn to each other and go, "Our kids will never be like that/do that/say that."

6 - I am afraid that hands will jump out from under my bed and grab my ankles if I let my feet dangle over the side of the bed or if I don't jump into bed from at least 2 feet out if D is not home. Oh yeah, didn't you know? The scary monsters go away when D is home. I guess they're afraid of his snoring.

7 - I am afraid of having more than one child because I worry that I'll never sleep again and never have a second alone for myself. One kid is one thing, but multiple kids - I have no idea how I'll do it. But this fear is not so huge because I had this fear when I was pg with L, and so far I'm coping pretty well. In fact, I kinda love being a mommy. So bring it, babies. You got nothin on me.

So, 7 major fears in life. Not a very small number, but not super huge anyway. Some I devote more energy to than others - and I'm positive that D could pick out my top 3 fears with no hesitation...just ask him. I am sure I'm afraid of other things, and I certainly worry about other things. But these are the recurring fears that keep me up at night.

And now you know me a little bit better. (How pumped are you! And I'm not even going to put a question mark after that statement because I know you are pumped without having to ask.)

Now I just cross my fingers and hope you don't stop reading my blog because you think I'm crazy!


Maura said...

What a refreshing post! I think all of these fears are universal but hard to admit. Love your brave and funny blog--keep up the great work!

Mrs. Diss said...

I've never taken the time to count my fears. I'm afraid of how many there will be. I definitely am afraid of some of the same things you are, but have one MAJOR one, that isn't on your list. I am TERRIFIED of dying. Terrified, as in it keeps me up at night sometimes. Fear is a strange thing ...

Sarah Weller said...

NUMBER 3. Joy suckers can kiss my...okay. I'm calm. But I agree with you! People are doing it to me too, except about marriage and married life with my soon to be hubby. I get so mad internally cuz its like DUH I know it's going to be rough sometimes but HELLO. You feel me. I'm calm. I am.

Law Momma said...

I, too, am not allowed to watch PS I Love You. I watched it pregnant... DISASTER. Your fears are very similar to mine but I'll throw in another that I hope doesn't terrify you, too! I am scared to get in my car at night because I watched a movie or tv show one time where a guy laid under a car and sliced open the artery in some girl's ankle so she couldn't move. I make a running leap into my car. Honestly. I'm that weird.